


the moon and the star

by chariiots



Category: Persona 5
Genre: F/M, Platonic Relationships, Recovery, uhh idk what this even is tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-04
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-08-17 13:21:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16517264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chariiots/pseuds/chariiots
Summary: forgiveness is a process, and ryuji and shiho are just slowly learning.[my contribution for thevolleystar zine!





	the moon and the star

shiho doesn’t like to admit it, but she’s been counting the days ever since she woke up from her coma, and things aren’t exactly looking up. she knows, she knows she should be happy. for starters, she didn’t expect the volleyball team to show up at her ward, but they did with gifts and arms full of apologies and comforting words. _kamoshida’s gone,_ they say _, there’s nothing to fear now. i’m sorry that i didn’t know. i’m sorry, we should’ve stuck together as a team._

ann comes by almost every day, sometimes dragging along a friend of hers. akira always seems way too awkward around her, unsure of what to say to her, but getting him into the rhythm of a conversation isn’t anything too hard. he’s sweet. too sweet, probably, but shiho doesn’t mind.

yet, she still isn’t content, won’t be until ryuji visits. it feels dumb to wait for him to show up considering that it’s been three weeks and ann keeps changing the topic when she asks if ryuji will ever come. the answer is clearly a no, but it somehow hurts more to give up. hoping meant believing in a future where things could go back to just the way it was, back to simpler times. even if shiho knows it’s unattainable, losing hope feels like losing to kamoshida again.

it doesn’t hurt to dream.

* * *

it used to be ann, ryuji, and her. in middle school, it felt like the three of them against the whole world, but they were invincible. with ryuji's bravery, ann's fiery temper and her wit, it felt like no one could ever take them down.  
  
shiho's friends used to joke about how she seemed to attract misfits when ryuji and ann first started hanging around her, but one joke became two and eventually, it wasn't much of a joke anymore. it was more of a "them, or us" situation because middle school girls are like that. middle school girls are selfish and dramatic and clique-y and want undivided attention from their friends, and shiho's tired of everything.  
  
the answer was obvious. she never really felt like she fit in with them anyway.  
  
maybe that's why everything hurt that much more when ryuji started distancing himself from them in high school, choosing to hang out more with the track team and leaving her and ann behind. the track used to be theirs, it used to be her chasing after ryuji as ann laughed from the bleachers.

she gave up her old friends for them, and god, why did she expect the same from him? people change and grow up, dummy. ryuji protecting them from bullies in middle school doesn't mean he'd protect them forever. it hurts more, she supposes, because she really did believe in a ‘forever’.

* * *

yes, ryuji shows up eventually, but he doesn’t even look her in the eyes anymore, not even as he passes her a clumsily wrapped box. is this some kind of attempt at asking for forgiveness? all shiho can think about is how ryuji should have put in more effort, and she doesn't even spare the box a second glance before putting it aside.

where did all this resentment come from? even if ryuji betrayed them, she technically shouldn’t be so unforgiving to him. but, as clear as it is that he wants to fix everything, it’s hard to forgive him. even if she does, shiho doesn’t know if she can ever trust him as much as before again. how do you give the same trust to someone who’s lost it before?

there’s a wall between them, and shiho doesn’t know how to break it down. she doesn’t even know if she’s ready to.  
  
"ann told me you're doing therapy now. like... that shit's hard, but don't give up, 'kay? i gotta go, but i'll come back tomorrow- i-if you want me to."  
  
"... okay."  
  
ryuji breaks out into a grin, already so thrilled that shiho's not pushing him away that it kind of makes her feel bad. he's trying so hard to mend everything, and the least she can do is give him a chance. after all, it's ryuji. there must be a reason for why he took so long to visit, right?  
  
(the box is filled with terribly folded lucky stars. they're all so, so ugly, but shiho cries anyway.)

* * *

ryuji starts showing up every tuesday and friday without fail, and every single time, she always comes back from physical therapy to him waiting in her room and a bottle of juice on her side table. it’s almost embarrassing how she’s grown used to expecting him, but it’s still a welcomed change of pace.

of course, it’s nothing compared to when ann visits, but she can’t always be there with how unpredictable her schedule can be. ryuji is always there, though, sitting on that uncomfortable plastic stool as he waits for her to return.

shiho knows damn well why he’s there, though. she knows about what happened when kamoshida broke his leg, how he was hospitalized and had to go through physical therapy, how his leg still acts up every now and then. she and ann never managed to visit, because no one knew what hospital he went to, let alone which ward he’s staying in. it must have been lonely. that’s probably why he’s here, so that shiho doesn’t have to feel the same cutting loneliness, so that she has someone to support her after therapy.

the more she thinks about it, the more she realizes how transparent ryuji really is - or maybe it’s just her. anger and hurt did nothing but cloud her vision, but now that she’s taking a step back to see the bigger picture, it feels like she understands everything without needing ryuji to say it.

she's a fool for thinking that things could go back to the way they were, but she’s an even bigger idiot for trying to pretend that ryuji never wanted the same. so, yes, bridging the gap will be hard, but they can always take baby steps.

* * *

_"huh? what's this?"_ __  
_  
_ "lucky stars! it's to give you luck for your track meet tomorrow. not- not like you need luck or anything. you'll do great either way."

_“shiho… i’ll do my best for ya!”_

* * *

even after she’s discharged, after she doesn’t need to go for physical therapy anymore, they keep up the ritual. ann likes to join them whenever she’s free, and sometimes akira tags along too. it’s comforting to have something like this to look forward to, to be able to keep some part of her old life while trying to adapt to her new school.

ryuji never did explain why he took so long to show up, but she gets it anyway. if it was her, she’d be too embarrassed to show her face in front of him again. no one here is completely innocent. everyone’s a victim in this.

wasn’t the exact reason she didn’t want to visit ryuji because she didn’t know if he’d want to see her face again, having always skirted around each other before then? she can’t even say that it’s completely not her fault that they drifted, considering that she was the one who kept brushing him off as she tried to fight for a spot on the volleyball team. even if she doesn’t know his exact reasons, it’s still a step forward.

everyone’s been trying to help her this whole time, and it feels like everything will get better. even her therapist says that she’s doing much better than expected, always going on and on about how strong shiho is about her recovery. at least she feels like she deserves the comment now.

according to her therapist, she’s picking the wrong grudges to hold. if ryuji’s trying to make amends, she should at least try to forgive him. she knows it’s not going to be the same as before, with her having to change schools, with too many shifts and changes in their schedules and social circles. too much damage has been done, and it’s simply unhealthy to pretend that it never happened. it doesn’t mean they can’t be friends again.

the key is to heal. it’s slow, but it’s a process. they’ll get there someday.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed this quick little fic! it's been an honor to work alongside so many amazing writers and artists for volleystar zine, and i really hope that you show your support for it when it's out! 
> 
> [prompt me!](https://cheriiots.tumblr.com/ask)
> 
> social media: [tumblr](https://cheriiots.tumblr.com/) | [twitter](https://twitter.com/kamichuus)


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